When Valentine’s and the sexless courtship equals finding love at fifty-one


As Valentine’s day approaches, this photo reminds me of Jimmy and me. One chair is green and bigger than the other, while both chairs are tufted.  One definition of tufted is growing together and that is what we are. Growing together.

Last year we were engaged to be married and I designed a beautiful winter wedding but I broke up with Jimmy a few days after Christmas. I broke up with Jimmy a few days after Christmas because Jimmy was not perfect. I broke up with Jimmy because he did not match my list of what I wanted in a husband. Yes, I still had the audacity to have a list after being single for so many years. Go, figure. Not only did I have a list but I consulted my list often.

Jimmy lived in Franklin and I lived in Murfreesboro, which is about forty-five minutes away. Me and Jimmy thought we met on Face Book. But, the truth of the matter is we had a chance meeting at Wally World when I was twenty-eight and he was twenty-one. Yes, I am several life years older than Jimmy. I remember being insulted because he said I looked like Whitney Houston. He appeared to be so much younger than me, and I failed to consider the likes of him.

We became Face Book friends and one day Jimmy shared a photo of some winter greens, that I wanted to use in a blog post. So, I asked him if I could use his photo and although I am not in the habit of chatting on Face Book, for some reason, I made an exception and our friendship began. After about three or four months of texting and talking we met for the first time. We met for a single cup of coffee at McDonald’s on Black Friday (2012) and then we did not see each other again until after Christmas. Jimmy supplies firewood to folks  in Franklin and winter is his busy season. We communicated our boundaries one to the other and we stuck with em for the most part.

As a single Mother, our Father had been pressing in on me the order He created for man and woman. I let Jimmy know, right from the beginning that our would be a sexless courtship and so it was. But, that is not to say this sexless courtship boundary was without fail. We failed in what became our sexless courtship boundary twice. We failed and repented at the foot of the cross because we did not want our relationship to be based on sex. We fail and forgiveness is not in part but whole. We wanted our relationship to be based on the order our Father created in the Bible and we simply had no desire to burn in hell. So, we married, without consulting a single soul because marriage is the order our Father created in the beginning. 

How I found love at fifty-one was to be open and honest with my need to continuously seek to be in a right relationship with our Father. I am a saved sinner and I simply love Jesus and am greatly thankful for the pardon of my many sins and the opportunity to follow him.

This first year of marriage has been more than challenging. For one thing … now, that we are married I pray now more than ever before. My Jimmy is a kind, sweet slow to anger man and I Thank God for him. And, know I love him now today more than ever.

We are tufted.

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